During the Ram Band's halftime show at last Saturday's football game, the stadium was unanticipatedly attacked by a swarm of jetpack-wielding snakes. The snake's numbers were reported to be approximately nine-thousand or more. The band promptly took defensive measures against the flying reptiles.
The trumpets were the first to react as they pointed their instruments into the sky and bombarded the snakes with the highest notes that they could make. Unfortunately, this did absolutely nothing and the snakes continued to slither-fly toward the stadium.
Seeing the trumpet's brave display of fortitude, the upper wind section began marching around in circles while their section leader shouted orders at them. By this time, the snakes were directly above the stadium and were shooting fireballs into the crowd. As chaos erupted within the mass of people, the saxophones stood around and complained about various things such as how hot the uniforms were, how nostalgia isn't what it used to be, and that the specifics as to how magnets function seem to be elusive.
Meanwhile, the trombones moved into a defensive formation and fired flak rockets from their instruments into the sky. This was the first remotely effective strategy, and should be noted in case of future flying-reptile attacks.
The percussion sections became jealous of the trombones and did some spinny things with their drumsticks, but then quickly realized that they're really not as cool as the rest of the band.
After the trombones had exhausted their ammunition, the tubas decided to get together and form a giant robot to fend off the remaining aerial scale-bearers.
In doing so, however, the entire stadium was destroyed and the snakes decided to just go back home. At this time, the total cost of damage to the stadium is unreported, but we can all rest easy knowing that the Ram Band is here to protect our campus, even if that means destroying it in the process.
